Defense Base Act Compensation Blog

The Modern Day DBA Casualty

New Uses for those Blackwater Guys

Posted by defensebaseactcomp on May 13, 2010

We’ll Add:   Protect DBA Casualties from the scumbags at AIG,  CNA,  ACE,  and their attorneys

Protect, read that correctly…….

By Jordi Scrubbings

One of the more interesting blogs I read regularly is Jeremy Cahill’s Rebel Reports.com. Over the last few years, Cahill has become one of the preeminent watchdogs of government contractors and spending, especially as pertains to Xe Services, LLC – formerly known as Blackwater.

It is an understatement to say Cahill is not a fan of Blackwater. He is frequently a guest on cable news segments and spars opposite Blackwater spokespeople on the pros and cons of the government relationships with private security contractors.

Although I definitely see his point and I find his writing interesting, I never heard Cahill talk about what he would do with the employees if a company like Blackwater were to go out of business. Combined with recent reports of the US government reducing dependency on contractors, where are these people supposed to go?

While I would like to see the engineer folks and technical people build bridges, hospitals, schools, and environmentally safe, locally owned power plants, here are a few ideas for those former super black operations secret squirrel commando ninja warriors:

Wildlife Avenger – Whereas people and countries and even business can afford protection, animals cannot. However they are the ones hunted and killed to the point of extinction. Putting former private commandos under the employ of park rangers would stop illegal hunting almost immediately, especially in big game places like Africa. How great would it be to see a few ex-commandos riding a herd of elephants, catching poachers with military-grade surveillance and blasting them with machine guns? It would be like scene out of Lord of the Rings, only it would save some wildlife.

Bouncers at Strip Clubs – If they are good enough to guard heads of state, they should be good enough to guard beautiful ladies, right? I pity the first fool who tries to touch a girl inappropriately and gets his fingers not only broken, but folded up and inserted in his rectum.

“Rectum? Damn near killed him!”

Stop International Slave Trade – Did you know there are thousands, if not millions of people exploited and sold into slavery worldwide? Personally, I think it is one of the most inhumane and barbaric crimes we have left on Earth. I’d like to see those Blackwater guys become 21st Century versions of John Brown and Harriett Tubman, albeit with a bit of weaponry. Like with the poachers, after seeing a trail of dead slave traders, I think potential slave owners would be less likely to take up the torch and the industry will die real quick.

Celeb Bodyguards – Like guarding strippers, guarding celebrities shouldn’t be that much of a stretch, right? Although I have never faced a crowd of 22,000 pre-teen girls with their sights on Justin Bieber it can’t be too far from facing an unorganized posse of armed insurgents. On second thought …

Deter Sex Crimes – Almost hand-in-hand with stopping human trafficking is helping put the kabosh on sexual predators and pedophiles. Since the Blackwater guys are used to operating beyond the law, giving them free reign to round up some of society’s worst scumbags would probably be overwhelmingly appreciated. Can you imagine the reaction from the first guy to go to a house where he expects there to be a 15-year-old girl only to meet five camouflaged commandos surrounded by a few of their old torture devices from Abu Grahib? As an added bonus, there are also many more Blackwater guys than there are hosts of To Catch a Predator.

Vigilante Superheroes – Inspired by movies such as Kick-Ass or Mystery Men, former Blackwater employees could embrace their inner Clark Kent or the Blue Raja and be masked men of the 21st Century. They could repel down buildings to stop muggings, conduct raids on drug houses, or even stop bank robberies single-handedly.

Martial Arts Instructors – There isn’t much I could say about this without stating the obvious. These guys know how to fight. Who wouldn’t want to learn how to break someone’s neck by twisting their big toe?

Pirate Protection – No, Pirate Protection does not mean breaking every TV in Pittsburgh. It means protecting boats against possibly being raided or invaded by the scoundrels of the seven seas (and Somalia).

And finally, how about putting them under the leadership of the United Nations and allowing the UN to finally have it’s own fighting force for enforcing, creating, or making peace throughout the world? No more need to use U.S. troops or any other troops in silly blue helmets. The UN’s entire military force would be battle-hardened veterans. I doubt any rag-tag group set on genocide or ethnic turmoil would have the gumption to step up against the baddest group of international mercenaries this side of Boba Fett.  Original Story here

Especially if they were riding elephants.

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